I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We are all done wearing pants today
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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