I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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