While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
