just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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