I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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