I'm drive I can fine osifer
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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