I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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