I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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