can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
