Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
