Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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