I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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