Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize