This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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