im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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