So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The Olympian is in my bed
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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