The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
