Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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