Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
