based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize