VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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