there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
