why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
