we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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