youre lurking in front of me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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