We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
