Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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