yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
