Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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