Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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