We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize