I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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