Where did you get a picture of my penis
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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