Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
