he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
