you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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