i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
