Life is so much better after having sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
