dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
