Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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