I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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