God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
