I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
