Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
