The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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