My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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