Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
