Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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