also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
