:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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