Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
