on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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