dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize