with your own penis?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
