i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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