Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
