dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
