May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
