Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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