I wanna passion pit in your ass
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
