Do vagina's smell?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
