Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
