did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
