If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
