Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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