no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
