i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You need Xanax blowdarts
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
