Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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