I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dick very happy bro
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