We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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