Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize