a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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