Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
