Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize