I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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