Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
