he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
