Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I need water and some morals
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
