You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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