Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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