awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize