I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
