I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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