pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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