They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
