I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
