im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need to calm my uterus...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
