dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I love you.
Bad choice
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