I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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