The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
